A pregnant person's apology

I think this speaks for itself.

Decision time

I'm back at work, and even though my awesome boss lets me work from home a couple of days each week, it's still hard. I am glad to have the job, and some space from All Baby All The Time Land, but being away from Etta is hard, and then there is the pumping.

I am committed to breastfeeding, and Etta's only had breastmilk (aside from a vaccine and some baby tylenol) since she was born. It's a pretty easy thing to maintain when at home with her all the time, but being back at work puts a new spin on the whole process. I typically have to spend some time pumping several times each workday in order to supply slightly LESS than what she seems to want to eat. I can usually make up the difference by pumping once or twice when I'm home, but the hand pump I have at home is not very comfortable and doesn't seem to be as effective as the Pump in Style (with fashionable backpack!) I keep at work.

When Cree called me yesterday and mentioned that she spilled almost half a bottle I felt my heart drop. That's a lot of invested time and energy, down the drain.

I flip-flop, thinking that maybe a bottle or two of formula a few times a week wouldn't be the end of the world. After all, millions of babies thrive on formula for their entire infancy. It is millions, right? This is usually followed by feeling determined to somehow pump more often so that she won't have to drink formula. The feeling I get when I think of feeding her formula is similar to the feeling I had when I realized I was going to be induced at the hospital, and wasn't going to be giving birth at the Birth Center. It's this weird mix of sadness, disappointment and a feeling of futility.

Cree called back an hour later and played "Wish you were here" by Pink Floyd into the phone. I welled up and listened to the whole thing. She is the best.

Then last night, we had the discussion about implementing formula into Etta's diet when necessary rather than have her hungry and me rushing all around to get home to feed her.

It seems like an easy decision to make, but it's hard to let go of the ideal breastmilk-only situation. But I guess that's part of what parenting is about, realizing that you don't have control -- being flexible, adjusting to new circumstances, and doing what is best for your family (all of us).

Food photos from the baby shower

Our friends can really cook. Everyone chipped in to bring brunch food to the shower, and Jess posted some photos, so here they are.

We had a drink bar, including mimosas, bloody marys and this non-alcoholic punch which was delightful. Here's the recipe for that:
2 liter of ginger ale
44oz pineapple juice
1 pint of Raspberry sorbet


Here's the main food table:


Here's the waffle bar, including locally canned peaches, blueberry sauce, and homemade whipped cream:

A few individual facts

One month from today, February 22, is my due date and I can barely put my socks on.

I have been wearing one of 3 pairs of shoes every day, none of which require bending down or tying.

The childbirth classes are informative, I am finally becoming desensitized to watching birth videos from the 80s.

Bringing a selection of decaffeinated hot teas to a birth center meeting will endear you to the group indefinitely.

Last night, I tried to make extra dinner to put in the freezer for post-baby-arrival, but then we ate it.

The baby room is almost complete but we still need to pack the hospital bag and install the car seat.

We had a lovely baby shower last weekend and had so much fun. I cried in front of everyone when I read the cards.

A New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!

Since I'm all clever, I scheduled this post for 12:01, although I'm certainly not typing it while the ball drops. If all goes well, I'll actually be out somewhere having a good time.

I can tell that the baby is getting bigger and bigger because I can feel pretty much any move she makes. I read that she will gain about a half pound a week for the next few weeks, so I keep trying to eat good meals and snacks to keep her growing!

One strange thing is that I've been waking up around 4 am and not being able to fall back asleep. This is completely foreign to me, as I've always been able to sleep, anywhere -- restaurants, on the bus, in a car, at a concert -- so it is a new experience altogether. It doesn't happen every night, but when it does, I usually get up and do something and then I can fall asleep rather than tossing and turning and keeping Cree up. Last night, I had a snack, unloaded the dishwasher and read the last 2 chapters of a book. I'm thinking I might start a mental list of middle-of-the-night tasks that I can work on in case this is an ongoing thing.

And here's a new belly shot. Don't worry, that's not our wallpaper back there.

Thanksgiving

For Thanksgiving we had a couple of friends over, and made WAY too much food.

Cree is a vegetarian and I don't eat much meat (more since being prego) but in spite of that we brined a 17 lb. turkey for 3 people to eat. That's crazy, and luckily someone took the thing home with them so I didn't have to feel guilty for throwing it away.

Bevin came and she brought the newest installment of Cute Knitted Baby Wear.


Can you take it?








and my current belly shot.

Ramping up the calories

I have always been a person who can eat a lot, and often. Being pregnant has really taken that to a whole new level though, and it's difficult for me to bring enough snacks to work so that I'm not starving all day long. Here's what I had so far today:

large glass of range juice
large bowl of cereal with soymilk
vitamins (not food, but counts toward nutrients)
yogurt
hot tea with agave nectar (thanks to frieswiththatshake)
luna bar (lemon zest)
large can of lentil soup
hard boiled egg
banana
ginger ale
empty peanut-butter jar of natural cheetos (my effort to use fewer baggies)
sunflower seeds
several glasses of water

It's only 4:30. It's like I need to be at an all-u-can-eat buffet, but all day long. Look out chocolate pudding, I'm after you! And, I can't wait until Thanksgiving. That's going to be great.

I guess I need to pack snacks the night before, so I'm fully prepped for my workday. Especially on days when I don't have meetings (like tomorrow) I think more about eating, so I need to plan ahead.

Food!

I somehow, mistakenly, thought that the food drama would be over after the first trimester. Over the weekend, I slept in a little (9 am) and then Cree wasn't feeling well so I made her some tea, let the dog out, etc., so I didn't get around to eating right away.

I quickly got past that because about 9:30 I felt so nauseated that I literally had to run upstairs to sit in front of the toilet in the I'm-about-to-puke position. I couldn't figure it out! I (thankfully!!) hadn't gotten sick at all during the whole first trimester, and even the nauseated feeling I had back then was low-grade compared to this. Luckily, the wave passed and I was able to wolf down a banana before it came back.

My lesson here is that I still need to pay close attention to eating regularly. I would never have guessed that 9:30 was not regular enough, but now I know. Eat first, other stuff later.

The agony of food

I guess it's pretty common in early pregnancy, but I can't seem to find anything that I want to eat. Usually, once I start eating something it turns out okay, but getting to that point is trying. Mostly soup sounds good (even in the summer, somehow) and I have been eating a fair amount of Ezekiel bread. I hear that it will get better in a couple of weeks, so I can't wait for that!

Tomorrow is my first real doctor's appointment, so we'll see how that goes. I think I'll have an ultrasound, so we'll know more soon.